"I already know all
this."
When I first met my (late) husband, Bob, he graciously shared with me tapes and books containing
truth that he loved and practiced. At the time I had a lot of questions and was seeking
answers to the purpose of my life. I replied to his gifts with the statement above. Bob
had a great understanding of spiritual things that I knew about, but I had not
the experience of. My knowledge of God was mostly indoctrinated in me. His
was intuitive from infancy and it showed in his demeanor.
Sitting on a stoop admiring the summer beauty of some surrounding oak trees, Bob tried to
explain to me that God was being the tree. I adamantly argued that God is Spirit and
cannot be the tree because God is not in matter. I had a lot to learn of God being the
substance and essence of all things.
As time has unfolded so, too, has the realization of Oneness with God, of God as
all things, in all things. The realization came that we are not our bodies, but
that our bodies simply belong to us, as one might understand that a car is ours by
possession, but that we drive the car and are one with it during the time that we occupy
it.Bob has told me that reality is
upside down from the appearances in the world. Things are not as they appear to
be. He has explained to me that one's understanding starts at a point on a circle that,
when one goes halfway around, he begins to question all his former beliefs and may see
them as untrue. Not unlike summer and winter, at opposite sectors on a seasonal platform,
seeming contrary beliefs and powers are actually part of the whole. Summer is not good
and winter bad. Neither is winter good and summer bad. Yet, in the human sense
when one thing is good, its opposite appears to be bad or evil. In
reality, there is neither. In reality, everything just IS because God IS.
Watching spring come into bloom and evolve into summer, only to have summer fade into
skeletal forms of dormant life is a perfect example of the reality of life. Human life is
not good and death bad. Neither is the human life bad and death good.
Everything is just God being something.
Coming back around on the circle, more enlightenment has occurred. My old beliefs fell
away in place of truth. Some dissolved. Some changed with greater understanding. Like the
earthly seasons, with each era of birth and growth, dormancy and re-birth, spiritual
growth is how one studies and learns, questions and practices, without beginning or end -
with a purpose of replacing the name "God" with a greater understanding. No concept
of God is God, only the experience of understanding spiritual
enlightenment constitutes the experience of God.
Every obstacle in human life is opportunity for spiritual understanding.When
a problem arises in my life, Bob first sets my human mind at ease by turning my human
thought into an understanding. Then truth flows from his mouth, alleviating any doubt I
have of the existence of a problem. Truth reveals fear as just a human emotion. Truth
reveals all worry or concern to be unnecessary. Truth reveals that the human mind cannot
create anything but a mental image or concept. I have been awed in seeing the human
mind shut down to let the truth come forth in revelation.
Once, when Bob was speaking to me in the spirit, I saw him as glowing white. Upon
my description of him, he explained it was not he who was glowing, but rather my purity of
consciousness and my perception of spiritual truth. This was an experience of God being
Bob which I both saw and felt. Yet, this purity of Christ is in each of us as our human
perception dies to spiritual awakening.
Bob's spiritual understanding and explanation of things has helped me see the difference
in my human Gail as opposed to the Gail God is being, which is my true
self. The human attachments and entertainment that occupy one's thoughts and time
are meaningless when compared to the meaningful peace that comes through meditation. Meditation
is understanding - finding out why something is true. The truth is in
the understanding, not in the words one hears or reads. Harmony with people and things
come during meditation and are the fruits of the Spirit. When one lives in harmony with
God, things that seem to be out of harmony fade from our lives and become unimportant.
Truth, I have come to understand, is the noun and mankind is the verb in relation to
being. Mankind is always doing. God is always being. There is no action in Truth, it just
is. And, love is total understanding - without emotion. To love God is to understand God.
I used to know God as Love by the way I felt (happy, joyful, warm and fuzzy), but the understanding
of the nature of God is love, just as understanding one's spouse or partner is total love,
without human emotion and feelings.
As the years have passed, I have realized Bob is a vehicle
through which Truth speaks to me, and I have grown. I have listened. I have realized.
Truth comes in many packages. One of my packages came in the form of "husband".
I can no longer say, "I already know all this". Now I have to say, " I know
nothing". I, of mine own self, can know nothing. I can think nothing. I can do
nothing. I can be nothing. The human mind cannot interpret spiritual things. Only our
spiritual identity can know things of the Spirit. When the Spirit takes over Bob he cannot
remember what flows through him unless I have written it down. We can only remember the
essence which echoes in the mind. This explains why one has only glimpses of Truth and why
people travel through their human lives trying to re-capture a feeling they cannot
identify, but remember only as being peaceful and true.
This has been my journey.
All is well
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